


In Which Urie Represses Feelings

by urieskooki



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Demisexual Urie, M/M, Shirazu is awkward, Unresolved Sexual Tension, it's very short tho, sort of??, they don't really sort their shiz, urie doesn't know how to deal with things, urie pov
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-22
Updated: 2015-09-22
Packaged: 2018-04-22 21:04:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4850504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/urieskooki/pseuds/urieskooki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Urie doesn't like Shirazu. At all. (Except he really does)</p>
            </blockquote>





	In Which Urie Represses Feelings

**Author's Note:**

> Hahaha Urie is super bad at feelings and Shirazu is really bad at kissing so it kind of evens out.

Urie has a problem, a problem he’s been trying to get rid of for weeks now. He’s always been a background kind of guy, and hates to admit it, but probably always will be. But one thing about being a background guy, is that it tends to make you notice things. So, he can’t help but notice things about the rest of the Quinx squad, and sometimes he's not sure if he'd rather know about it or not.

He may not be Shirazu or Saiko, but his ears are still good, and so are his eyes. He can hear the quiet sobs that always seem to come out of Mutsuki’s room at night, and sees angry, raw red of Saiko’s lips that he knows is from chewing and picking at them until they bleed. He hears Sasaki still working late at night, later than when Mutsuki finally stops crying. He also hears him when Urie wakes up, because Urie’s always been able to function on little over five hours of sleep, so figures he might as well use his lack of it. It concerns him (just slightly) how Sasaki seems to get even less than he does, maybe even less than Saiko on her bad nights. However, the things he notices the most all seem to be about Shirazu.

Shirazu is brash, loud, and obnoxious, and Urie sometimes (almost all the time) thinks he despises the team leader. But he notices things about him. Things he doesn’t think he would notice in the others.

He notices the sliver of skin exposed when he stretches, the thin trail of hair. He notices, especially so, the red rimming Shirazu’s eyes almost constantly. He hears the quiet murmurings when he’s alone, the clear attempts to hype himself up before a case. The sniffles, and the crying and, sometimes, the muffled screaming when he wakes up from a nightmare (Or so Urie assumes). He hears everything. He represses the urge to comfort the other boy too, and has no idea what that means. He notices how Shirazu sounds in the shower, singing loudly in a strangely melodic voice, and sometimes, every now and then, breathy and quiet, and Urie knows he should be disgusted when he’s the next person in line for the shower but he somehow can’t make himself.

Urie has always considered himself something of an asexual. The idea of sex just doesn’t interest him. But he can’t help but be fascinated with Shirazu’s mouth, and the dip of his collarbones, and the long clean arch of his back. It fascinates him so much that he can barely take his eyes off him when he takes his shirt off during training. The beads of sweat on his tan shoulders, the group of freckles on his left shoulder blade, the clean buzz at the base of his neck from freshly shorn hair. Urie knows he’s staring.

Urie can’t help but be slightly pleased Shirazu cut his hair for him. He knows it wasn’t for him, he just likes to imagine it had been, but he knows it was because of him, because of what he said. Cocky words meant to disarm. He likes the new cut, likes how it makes Shirazu look, likes how he can see his face so much easier, except he doesn't _at all_ , because now he can’t take his eyes _off_ Shirazu and it’s distracting and he’s going to be too distracted by Shirazu to do his work and he just needs to- breath. In and out like Sasaki showed them. In and out like he hears Mutsuki trying to. In and out like the calm breath of a sleeping Saiko. In and out like the stifled moans of Shirazu when he thinks he can get away with it. Urie panics even more. He’s not supposed to think about this, it’s distracting, unsanitary, why would anyone _do that?_

He still can’t stop watching though, even though he knows it’s weird, and Shirazu would probably punch him if he knew. So, instead he’s focused on the solid drip of sweat from a strand of his own hair. It lands on his face, and it’s with barely concealed disgust that he wipes it away. Shirazu shouldn’t be on his mind like this, shouldn’t want to wrap his arms around the younger’s waist, shouldn’t, _can’t_. Sweat is repulsive, and so is Shirazu, or that’s what he tries to tell himself.

He’s ashamed. Deeply. He doesn’t like apologising, doesn’t like admitting he did something wrong, but he somehow wants to tell Shirazu how sorry he is for having these thoughts about it because surely the other would be as disgusted as he is, right?

He has no idea who to go to in a situation like this. Saiko- well, she’s a useless blabbermouth. Mutsuki, he couldn’t possibly go to someone that _weak_ , he’d only suggest something pointless. He'd prefer anything over seeking the assistance of Sasaki. He would rather figure it out himself, to be honest, but for once will admit that’s something he is unable to do. _Pathetic._

Shirazu is the only option left, and he’s already kicking himself for it. 

————

“I need advice.” _(Please say no.)_

Shirazu blinks, in shock perhaps, and nods like he’s been waiting for Urie to actually come to _him_ for something (it wouldn’t surprise him if that _is_ the case).

“Yeah?”

Urie turns, walks away, even with his left hand coming up to motion for Shirazu to follow. He hears footsteps behind him as Shirazu closes his door and follows Urie to his own. He needs this to be around his own property, needs the comfort.

“‘ Never been in yer room before.” Shirazu is inspecting one of his paintings, he immediately covers it with a cloth.

“Don't look at those.” They’re too personal.

Almost instantly, Shirazu turns around, cautious. He looks strangely serious. Urie doesn’t like that look on his face. He prefers it when he’s happy, because he’s strikingly beautiful when he’s like that. 

Except he’s really _not._ and Urie really needs to stop thinking about this. 

“I need… advice of a sensitive matter. It’s-“

‘We’re sorry for those shark drawings. I told Saiko not to, I swear!” Shirazu is actually _blushing_. It takes Urie a second to get over how _cute_ it is.

“Uh, it’s n-not about those.” This is just _ridiculous_ , he’s never stuttered in his life, not even when Arima-san complimented his work. This shouldn’t be enough to make him lose his cool. “I just, I’ve never had… feelings for anyone before.”

“Wait, wait, Urie, ya got a _crush?”_

“I think I do.”

Shirazu splutters before regaining his composure. He avoids Urie’s eyes when he speaks again, lips downturned just slightly at the corners, “Er, well, have ya tried talking to her?”

“Him.” Urie corrects almost automatically, realising the mistake too late.

 _“Him?_ Uh, right, um, have ya tried talkin’ to him?”

“I do everyday.”

Shirazu stops, the pink tips of his ears glaringly obvious against his cropped orange hair. 

“Tooru… you like Tooru, don’t you?

Almost immediately, Urie is caught off guard… _Mutsuki? Why would I…?_

“Not him.”

Shirazu thinks for a second and Urie would almost laugh if it weren't for the freezing realisation that he’s so close to working it out.

“…Sassan?”

Urie almost slaps him.

“No.”

“That only leaves me. I know for a fact that you ain’t been talkin’ to anyone else every day.”

Urie flushes. Shirazu gapes.

“M-me!?” He sounds so disbelieving and Urie wishes he could shoot him down, but he can’t. All he can do is nod numbly and avert his eyes.

“Why wouldja like _me?”_

“I didn’t _choose_ to, alright?”

He freezes as Shirazu pulls back a fist, and aims it directly at Urie’s face, muttering, “Don’t mess around with me, Urie. If this is a joke…”

He’s not sure why he wants Shirazu to kiss him this badly- except he _is_ sure. It’s awkward, the silence clogging their throats like glue. He doesn’t know what to respond to Shirazu with, doesn’t know what could stop himself from grappling with the urge to drag the squad leader down by the collar of his stupid tank top to his own height. Wants to smash their lips together, wants to grasp at his arms, wants to wrap himself around his waist. Wants _Shirazu._

Shirazu is an inferno, burning Urie up, burning his fingertips, burning, burning, _burning_. Urie has always disliked fire, been burnt by it too many times, but he can’t find it in himself to care when it’s Shirazu. He can bandage the results, smooth a balm over the skin, but he can’t avoid it and he’s not sure he wants to.

“ _Are_ ya messin’ around with me?”

“No. I-I don’t, I-“ The fist that had been poised to strike jerks forward faster than he can completely comprehend, and behind his eyes explode white. His ears seem to ring for a second and then he can’t think because Shirazu yanks Urie up on his toes and kisses him, their teeth clacking together painfully. Then he spins on his heel and stalks out of Urie’s room faster than he can react, but Urie can see the pink hue staining the back of his neck.

He _hates_ Shirazu, he decides, _hates_ him. 

He can still taste Shirazu when he licks his lips, faintly ashy, mint, and berry. It’s sickening how much he wants a refresher. 

Crushes are awful.

He has no idea what this makes the two of them, but he _does_ know that his nose is bleeding, thick, sticky blood clinging to his upper lip. He hates the taste almost as much as he hates the taste of Shirazu’s mouth.

(Except he doesn't. Not at all)

**Author's Note:**

> I might add more to fix stuff and feature more Q's!! And maybe Sasaki... idk why but the idea of Urie going to Sasaki for help with boys is really funny


End file.
